Anonymous

You're Welcome.

Anytime.*grin*

My Epiphany - Triggers!

So the Rules-Lawyer says he can't do anything to help because the victim's dad forbade the victim from being online. And the Bible says to honour your parents.

But only until you move out.

hmmmm. Now, my knowledge of the Bible is pretty rusty, but I'm pretty sure the domineering, controlling, "While you live under MY roof, you'll obey MY rules." crap ain't scripturally based.

More like 1950's teen rebel movies-based. Like, 3rd season Happy Days, when Richie got really drunk that one time.

Is the Fonz in the Bible?

So, RulesBoy, what you're saying is the problem isn't honouring the father as God commands, rather it's obeying the father like a good farm-boy is raised to do. Once you move out, the rules all change? Dad's rules, wishes, opinions suddenly all become moot?

Is that in Leviticus?

Show me the passage that says that. Seriously.

I really want to see you try and back up your position on this one.

Send me your comment.

Charles

A Hooker Named Chastity

This is a rant, it may have triggers 'Kay?

So, my wife did this so much better than me, but here goes the non-pc version.

I've encountered an interesting Naif.

One of those 'Christians' too terrified to take their head out of the bible and look at the world around them. The kind who seeks comfort in the absolutism of a 2000 year old world view designed to perpetuate the ruling class' control over society by invoking a Supernatural Father figure who says "Do it or I'll fucking spank you!" For all Eternity.

Opiate of the masses indeed. And I have no fucking patience for junkies, religious or otherwise.

I do not believe in an absolutist view of the world. There is a Right and a Wrong in the Universe, and the distinction is not difficult to make. If you want to be a fucking Rules-Lawyer about the Bible, that's your choice. I would think the Holy Spirit of God's Law would be more appealing, though. The Spirit that says, "Do not to others whatsoever is harmful to you, that is the whole law, all the rest is commentary."

The spirit which allows that Honour and Obey are two separate things. The marriage vows seem to understand this. It's a loophole to protect the wife from the husband, allowing her some measure of freedom.

The spirit which recognizes that we are all Human, our fathers and mothers included. And as Humans, we are NOT infallible. We can honour our parents without abiding by their wishes. We are free to do so. The spirit that can recognize Evil being performed by a Good person.

The spirit that DEMANDS we do what is RIGHT, even if it means going against our Parents.

So your cop-out response is that you're enabling someone to dishonour their parents?

What about enabling a Father to dishonour his Parents? By abandoning their faith? By denying their beliefs and proclaiming them through his actions to be false? How about proclaiming his OWN beliefs to be false through his actions? Actions YOU condone by HIDING behind scripture? Actions you KNOW are both MORALLY WRONG and ILLEGAL? This is the man you feel you must respect? You must OBEY? Honour him by getting him help! Open his eyes to the real Truth, he's sick, what he does is wrong, and he CAN be helped.

Or is it easier to condemn him to Hell? Of course it is. It takes no effort. Just shut your eyes, clap your hands over your ears and sing "Hallelujah!" to drown out the sound of your own soul screaming its rage at your weakness.

You got scared. It happens.

Turns out the world isn't the simplistic place you thought it was, that there are real horrors in this world. It happens.

You found someone you could care about. They confided in you. It happens.

You couldn't handle their reality. You got scared and ran away. You lied to yourself and them about why. You denied your fear without facing it.
It happens.

You broke their trust, abandoned them, told them their pain was unimportant, THEY were unimportant, not in words, but with your actions. And why did you do this? Because the bible told you to.

This too, happens.

It happens because you let it.

Damn the world to save your own soul? You're a fine Christian.

Christ died for YOU?

What a fucking waste.

-Charles

Psi-Ops: The Mystery of the Exploding Guard. Solved!

I think I shot him in the grenades.

A lot of the guards carry grenades. I think that's what happened. I shot him and made all his grenades go off at once.

ouch.

Fuck fuck fuck!

Man, sometimes I can't win.

 

Buster

Dvorak - it rocks

I use the Dvorak keyboard layout. I found it to be very easy to learn, as compared to Qwerty.

Basically, back in the early 90's I came across an article about the Dvorak keymap in one of the computer labs. It stated the origin of the qwerty keymap as being a modification to early typewriters to prevent jamming of the keys by purposely making the keyboard more difficult to use. I think this may be an over-simplification of the situation.

Originally the keyboard was layed out alphabetically, a remnant of which can be seen on the homerow with a s d f g h i j k l. This placed many of the most common keys beside or near each other, which caused jams when two keys crossed and got hooked together. In order to prevent this, you need to move these keys so that they are on opposite sides, which was done. A sidenote, salesmen liked the new layout because you can type the word typewriter all on the top row, very quickly and thereby impress the yokel, er, potential customer.

There is much controversy between whether or not the Dvorak keymap is faster than Qwerty. Several studies were done by the US Navy in the 1950's that purported to show Dvorak was vastly superior. All of these studies have since been shown to be flawed. The top Qwerty typists can match the top Dvorak typists for speed consistantly.

What I think is irrefutable, is the reduced stress on typists using the Dvorak keymap. The famous numbers are these: Qwerty=31% of typing is done on the homerow. Dvorak 70% of typing is done on the homerow.
Dvorak was designed to be the most efficient keyboard layout, one that emphasizes a drumming motion for typing as well as alternating hands to ensure an even workload. Keep in mind that my layout is specific to the english language a french Dvorak layout looks different again, based on frequency of letters.

There are also one-handed layouts for both right and left hands, which allow people with disabilities to use a keyboard effectively. This might be a good thing for all you folks practicing 'cyber' as I've been informed it is called.

So, basically I think you should check out the Dvorak Keymap. It's already installed on all Macs, and XP hides it under regional settings. I suggest using dvassist if you're using XP. The regional settings can mess with your programs. Scanners especially.

Stupid Tuesday - End of Day Rant

So, it's been a while since I've posted. Been focussing on Truth Salad mainly. Busy, busy, busy!

Went to the Dentist, I'm in a lot of pain now. More than when I went in. Dude was like Rudy, he dug deep, no matter the pain, to fulfill his dream.

(Sidebar)
Stupid piece of shit file! Fucking print, asshole! You're an illustrator file, not powerpoint. What the fuck?!
(Sidebar ends)

So, I might be a little stressed out. I dislike it when I'm so frazzled that spending time with my nieces and nephews begins to feel like another 'gotta do'. It's stupid. I love spending time with them. I'm trying to get out of here (work) so I can get shit done. This is very frustrating. Two jobs that need to be done ASAP, and the files are fighting me.

Then we've got people asking for a 24hr turnaround on jobs that normally take 10 days. What the fuck? This is officially stupid tuesday. I feel like there's an axe above my head, just waiting to fall - sword of Damocles or whatever.

Been playing Psi-Ops for the PS2. Pretty cool. I have NO idea what kind of bullets that fucking sniper rifle shoots, but holy fuck. So, I normally go for the head shot, 'cause hey, it's a sniper rifle, and their heads explode in a huge meaty display of sickness. Now, you're a psionic who can drain psi power from dead people or soon to be dead ones. But if they don't have a head, you can't suck their brain dry. Makes sense. Totally believable so far.

So I go for a body shot, centre of body mass on the heavily flak-jacketed guard, hopefully drop him in one.

The son of a bitch disappears in a fucking cloud of red! Whut. Tha. Fugg?! Absolutely no evidence he existed, just a fucking gun on the ground. Sweet Jesus.

I don't do that anymore.

Good game though. You get to throw shit around with Teke. That's always cool.

Gotta go.

Buster

A response to a mindless flame

During a recent post, my wife received an anonymous comment. The comment consisted of a single word "CUNT!!!". I can't say as I'm totally surprised by getting flamed. There are a lot of angry people out there who only feel secure using the anonymity of the net as an outlet for their anger/self-loathing/etc.

What was surprising was the lurker/sniper aspect of it. Anna's post had been published for less than 4 minutes when the comment came in. She has word verification on also, so unless someone has a really good bot or has modified an online pokerbot, we're dealing with a live person who felt that this was an appropriate thing to say.

Analysis:
Young male age 6-16
If under 10 years of age, got a thrill out of using a bad word.
If over 10 years of age:
Sexually frustrated
Extreme difficulty socializing outside his peer group, which is extremely small.
Self-loathing
Full of Impotent anger.
Jealous

Of course, I could be wrong. It could be a jealous woman who doesn't have a wonderful relationship like my wife and I.

Or it could be as I first thought, some scared little impotent fuck, too chickenshit to take responsibility for their own life, using any opportunity to lash out at people who are communicating in a positive manner. A manner which only reinforces the attackers feelings of JEALOUSY and INADEQUACY. Small penis, bad skin, offensive odor.

Here's some free advice. SHOWER everyday, eat more than just junk food, try SLEEPING at night instead of surfing for porn, use deodorant, wash your clothes, and for god's sake tuck your shirt in.

Oh, there are other clothes than black t-shirts with Heavy Metal bands on them.

A haircut wouldn't hurt either.

Buster

PS. Don't mess with my wife, you won't like the consequences.

Dear Santa's helpers, addendum

Here some more ideas for you if you're stuck!

I've been wanting one or two more of these for a while. In conjunction with this Bad boy they would let me stream music from my laptop to our stereo. SWEET!

Glitch wants one of these too!

I'll post more later!

Buster

Sooooo....

What the fuck was with today? It was a complete shitstorm! A screaming plague of defecating THINGS, whirling like a diseased tornado of assinine questions and expectations. Unrelenting, unthinking, slack-jawed attack of the mouth-breathers.

Sweet eff-ing Christ.

I knew this would be a bad day when I took that new shortcut to work.

---

Okay, so I don't have any numbers to back this up, but according to my observations, there is an alarming scarcity of turn signal lightbulbs. THIS IS AN EPIDEMIC PEOPLE! From what I've seen, it's obvious that if you burn out your turn signal, THAT'S IT. No more lightbulbs.

You had your chance but you had to go and blow it by frivolously using your turn signal.

This is why no one ever uses them anymore. It's so obvious! There is a huge conspiracy by the Pentavirate to bring Civilization to its knees through this insidious plot.

It doesn't stop there, either. I've been seeing a lot more people driving without their headlights on too. These folks have the inside scoop - by God don't burn out a headlight, there are no more!

Well folks, fear no more. I'm here to tell you there is no need! It's all a plot to gouge the customer by creating a perceived shortage.

Well, I say FIGHT THE POWER!

TURN ON THOSE GODDAMN HEADLIGHTS EVERY TIME YOU DRIVE, NIGHT OR DAY! LET THE OTHER DRIVERS AND PEDESTRIANS SEE YOU COMING! USE THAT TURN SIGNAL PROUDLY, KNOWING THAT EACH BLINK IS A SHOUT FOR FREEDOM AND A MIGHTY BLOW AGAINST SHADOWY TYRANNY!

Seriously. Use your fucking headlights. Use your god damn turn signals.
You people are fucking dangerous.

Oh, and don't block driveways and intersections ya moron!

Buster

Sprinkler System, set up in the back! Can you fuckin' BELIEVE it?!!

On tonight's no holds barred episode, we discuss potty talk. Consider yourself warned.

---

So as a teen it occurred to me that lots of people pee in the shower. It can be a real timesaver. Then I had my Epissany. We have a 'Shower Massage' showerhead! I could take a dump in here and still wash it down the drain!

Needless to say, I can't recommend it. You'll never feel clean again. All around, brilliant idea in theory, but in practice -Sweet Jesus, what a mess.

---

More recently, I was thinking along the same lines again. "What's worse than peeing in the shower?" Obviously, crapping in the shower.

How about peeing in the bath? Worse yet, what if it's not your bath?

Then I got a mental picture of some guy walking into a bathroom while someone's having a bath, they refuse to get out or whatever, so he shrugs, unzips and starts whizzing in their tub.

---

Unrelated nonsensical but strangely filthy comment. "Let's just say, she's not afraid to shell her own Etruscan Clam, if you know what I mean." I don't know what it means, probably masturbation, but change one letter in the eighth word and it becomes Prostitution.

---

So, I'm at work. It's closing on midnight. I should get some work done.

Crapper John, MD.

"Mention my name, and you'll get a good seat!"

Airbags! Can you fuckin' believe it?!

So, if you had a bet that Person X would sleep with Person Y, and Person X was aware of the bet, approached Person Y with the suggestion that if Person Y helped X win the bet, X would share the winnings with Y - Is Y a Prostitute?

 

I mean it's not like you're PAYING them, right? They're WINNINGS!

 

We may never know, I guess.

 

So, I realized tonight that the reason I so frequently read while 'on the throne' is to distract myself from the horrible things I'm doing. 

 

Buster Fixxitt.

 

Torment an underaged Drunk

Looks like you've got a ticket to ride the bullet train to Pukesville, making stops at Spewsburg, Hurlton, Porcelain-Hug and East Blowchunks!

- Yeah, I don't know either. It just went through my head the other day at work.

I usually end my day to Hogan's Heroes, which is a great theme song to end your day to BTW. He certainly is my Hero. Tonight's episode was the groundbreaking one where the tackle the uncomfortable issue of Nazi Prostitution or 'Nazitution'.

That was right after the 'wife swap' episode of the Dick Van Dyke show, I think. To be honest, I only hear parts of the shows and fill in the rest. I'm pretty sure I'm right on this one, though.

Clone High's on. Cya!

Buster

Sage Advice in a Thymely Manner

"When going to hide, know how to get there.

And how to get back.

And eat first."
-Into the Woods

I tried to email this one in a couple of days ago. It was just a nonsense thing I remembered. Didn't work for some reason. Alex's PC really IS a piece of shit. Stinky, dry, nasty shit.

Buster

PS. Sorry about the pun.

Dear Santa,

I hope you and the Mrs are well. You're both often in my thoughts and I hope that you know you are loved. Thank you so much for all the joy you bring to me and to my darling wife. I think I get more than my fair share, to be honest, since I get such joy out of seeing her happiness at this wonderful time of year.

I'm very excited about this Christmas. Anna and I get to have a Christmas all by ourselves, I think we may sleep in a little! This will be our 5th married Christmas, and the first one in our new house! All very exciting. I'll probably put Anna's presents in the attic, so you can grab them there on your way down.

Well, I won't take up anymore of your time, I know this is getting into 'crunch time' for you. If we don't leave out a plate of cookies for you, you can help yourself to whatever's in the freezer - you may want to anyway, we have a HUGE variety of cookies what with all our boys. They all say hi!

They love you very much and want to thank you again for their socks. They like them a lot, Emerson wore his all year!

Merry Christmas to all of you at the North Pole,
Love,
Charles

Ps. Oh! I almost forgot to give you my list. These are some ideas I've had, I leave it to your best judgement.

A JOYTECH wireless Playstation 2 controller available at Wal-Mart

Smallville seasons 2,3,4

Danger Mouse season 1

Burnout Revenge

Star Wars Battlefront 1 & 2

Digital Camera

Loft Bed

Socks - white socks, black socks, those sort of dapple-blue socks

Underwear (xl boxer briefs)

T-Shirt X-fer Material for canon colour laser copier (light & Dark)

Bathroom books ie Einstein's Refridgerator , Lindbergh's Artificial Heart: More Fascinating True Stories From Einstein's Refrigerator

A BUTTON MAKING MACHINE!!!!

Bathroom book shelf

Nightstand organizer or shelf.

Pyjamas - some light cotton ones and maybe a polyester Silk-feel like these but not in silk. Maybe in a chinese style or Thin man style?

Coupons for Hair cuts or something.

Graphire tablet

More floorboards for the attic

Power Outlet in the attic

Window in the attic

Dinner @ Christopher’s with my Hunny.

Wrinkle proof pants

Wrinkle proof shirts

New shoes

a very small pen for glitch – do they make refillable ball-points?

a Honda Element Hybrid

a ladder to the attic

A PSP

PALM 22 (ZIRE) AND A HARDCASE FOR IT.

A Blog in the Attic

So, some of you may know that our landlord also happens to be my dad. It's totally awesome, 'cause he's a fabulous guy. We're currently in the process of buying the house from him and he's gone into a frenzy of fixing and such. He fixed the retractable awning on the front porch, modified it to withstand the sorts of wind we get around here, he added an awning on the ENORMOUS shed he built, fixed a loose step we had, restocked the water softener salt, replaced the batteries in the electronic lock on the side door, lowered the back walk so you don't trip over it anymore and it's easier to shovel in winter, moved the downspout so we don't get an ice rink in our driveway anymore and most recently, he added some flooring to our attic.

It's friggin' awesome! He had some old skids that were taking up space so he knocked 'em apart, ran him through a planer he's storing for someone else and Voila! an extra 200 sq ft of storage. Un-freaking-believable. I love that man so much!

I have always had a thing for attics. Attics figure strongly in my personal mythos. They figure strongly in my stories, too. There's something magical about them. They're hidden, secret. Full of memories and forgotten things. They're history you can climb into. Like an abandoned old factory, they're full of stories.

As I was putting things away up here, I came across a single Pirate boot. Man, does that scream 'story hook' or is it just me? Why is there only one boot? Who did it belong to? How did it get up here? Imagine if, in the toe of the boot, there was a gold coin or a broken compass! Stories galore!

So, in case you haven't guessed from the title, I'm sitting in my new attic blogging like a fiend and having the time of my life. Wireless Networking was totally the right way to go.

As I look around me I see some awesome Attic Stuff. On one end there's the picture I got when my Grandparent's died, a wonderful picture of two boys playing with a sailboat in a mill pond, with the waterwheel and an old mill in the background. I've always loved that picture. Anna's picture of Mousey is hanging up, as is my Groucho. We've got a couple of old suitcases, a stereo, a desktop Globe that's wonderfully out of date, a freaking LAVA LAMP (!!!) Boxes of books and stuff and - THE BEST - the light that I'm seeing these by is provided by an old pole lamp. A nasty 1970's horror that we dragged out of the basement when we renovated it, 3 dangling lamps with a sickly nicotine yellow glass cover, each about a foot long. My dad had it in the shed and finally found a use for it. He just stuck it through the trusses and was done. It's the only place I can think of this lamp ever suiting the decor in a positive way.

This is simply too much fun. Anna was up here for a while reading and keeping me company, but it got too chilly for her. Keep that in mind if you're ever visiting our attic. You'll need warm clothes, or at least a blanket. We've got to work on an easier way to get up here. Thinking maybe a permanent ladder in the linen closet.

This would be an awesome place to hide if you had to. We'll have to get an actual electrical outlet up here, too. Right now, we're running an extension cord into the office. Kind of cumbersome. Anywho, I'm almost out of battery and I'm starting to get chilly too, I don't want Herbert to catch a chill either. He's been kind enough to keep me company since Anna went back down. He's a good boy.

Buster Fixxitt,
in his New Attic.

Toothache 2005 - News Update

I'm starting to fall apart here. My back's making me walk like an 80 yr old leper, and now my tooth is KILLING me. Well, on and off. It's become incredibly sensitive to heat. This morning it added pressure to its list of grievances.

 

It's a very persistent pain. I'm used to a more throbbing or stabbing pain, this acts up with a slow start then rapidly increases while showing no evidence of an upper limit. Quite interesting in its own way.

 

Don't like it though.

 

So no one seems to have understood my Nirvana post. I hereby declare myself the President of the Nirvanian Kite Flying society.

 

Buster Fixxitt

An imponderable

If Nirvana was a country, what would its flag look like?

And would they bother with one?

Do they fart in Nirvana?

Hmmmmmm...

Buster Fixxitt, smalltime guru

The Doctor says I won't get so many nosebleeds if I keep my finger out of there.

Just take ibuprofen to keep the swelling down.

At least I didn't get the doctor with the triangular eyelids. Freak. Little beady eyes with too much skin on his eyelids so that when he blinks, the top eyelid kinda puckers and folds in the middle. Seriously.

So I'm on painkillers for at least a week. I don't like taking them, but what are you gonna do?

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, eat the HELL out of this sandwich. Kasemann's Curds & Whey in New Hamburg. Too much food for too little money, aka, a damn good deal.

HUGE sandwiches, 1/2 is a meal.

Enjoy!

Buster

...they didn't even ask me any questions.

I feel awful.

So, my lower back seized up yesterday. Not sure why. Don't remember lifting anything or straining it. I am SO out of shape.
Lots of pain. Can barely go to the washroom.

So I'm going to avoid urinals today, 'cause if my pants slip of my butt, I'm pretty much done for. Won't be picking them up anytime soon. I'll be stuck in the washroom with my pants around my ankles.

I should probably keep my cell phone on me, in case I get stuck.

Anna's put some Deep Cold on me, last night and this morning. Counter-irritants are great but they don't solve the underlying issue. Pretty much what I've come to expect from 'Western Medicine'.

I'm having little moments of wanting to laugh and cry and curl up into a ball from the intermittant shooting pain.

Well, gotta get to work. Thank goodness I work at a desk. I'm going to be pretty useless today. At least I can answer phone calls.

Why people feel they must talk directly to me and only to me in order to schedule a pick up is beyond me. I'm busy! Anyone who answers the phone can take a pick up. Or in other words:

FUCK OFF!

Okay, free advice for y'all. Fratello's Pizza. If you're in the K-W area, it's in Waterloo on King and Bridgeport, same building as Papa Lou's. It's quite simply the best pizza in town. It's even awesome cold.

So my buddy Alex has a great sense of humour, terrifically inappropriate at times. He recently gave us a brief re-enactment of the German invasion of France...

"Guten tag, wilkommen aus Deutschlande!"

"Pardon Monsieur, vous etes en France."

(more forcefully)"Deutschlande."

That's about it. Well, I thought it was funny. My apologies to any Francophone who may be offended. (C'est de ma faux, c'est de ma faux, c'est de ma tres grand faux.)

Just got some Christmas shopping done. Yay! Anna's going to have a good Christmas.

Buster Fixxitt

Yay! No Rain!

I'm not talking about Blind Melon's one and only hit. It's just not supposed to rain today. I'm tired of rain.

I don't seem to have my hyperlink button anywhere. Hmmmm. Maybe it's a mac thing. Been doing most of my blogging on the PC.

On a different note, I got a new alarm clock. It has a PROGRAMMABLE SNOOZE! Fuck Yeah! Pretty pleased about that.

What I'm not pleased about is people commenting on my blog with SPAM! I mean if it was with regards to actual Spam, Klik, or Kam I would be moderately abused, er amused. Heh. Freudian Typo.

I may need to turn commenting off if this continues. Or figure out a really effective filter for my gmail account.

So, it looks like my Dad has started to put a floor down in our attic. I'm so excited. I like attics, I think I dreamed about it last night, come to think of it.

Heh! The alarm clock just went off with its 'graduwake' system, its a crescendo. I always wake up to its quietest sound so i've not heard how loud it can get. Pretty darn loud! (grin)

Enough for now, my wife is scolding me for blogging instead of making lunches.

Buster Fixxitt

Jagged steel-toothed Polkaroo Trap

So, I'm tired a lot of the time. You ever have the 'so tired you're short of breath, so you yawn a lot, and the yawns make you nauseous' thing? Or is that just me?

Good News! I'm going to have 5 days in a row off at Christmas. Including my anniversary. Cheat Commandos - Rock, Rock on!

I was thinking of Polka Dot Door and how the one host never got to see Polkaroo. I imagined someone going a little nuts and starting to lay traps for Polkaroo. REAL traps. You know, big steel bear traps with nasty mandibles.

"Uh, Tom. What are you doing?"
"I'm gonna see Polkaroo if it kills me! Well, that ought to do it! I'll just go 'check on Humpty & Dumpty' for a few minutes. Say hi to Polkaroo for me Sherry! heh heh heh" (Tom exits)

Then Polkaroo shows up and gets caught in the bear trap, lots of blood and screaming, lots of bleeping of expletives. Sherry manages to pry Polkaroo free, and he drags himself off stage making a rude gesture to Sherry.

Tom hobbles in with viciously wounded leg, which he refuses to acknowledge. Tom sees the empty trap and the pool of blood and rightly assumes that Sherry helped free Polkaroo, and must therefor die. Her frantic pleas of "look at your leg, You're polkaroo! It's just a stupid costume!" are rebuffed by Tom explaining that Dumpty turned feral and had to be put down.

Basically, I see Nicole Sullivan playing Sherry and Dave Herman as Tom.
_____________________________________
Okay, so maybe that's not so funny outside of my head.

Meh what are you gonna do?

I should get home. Hungry. Tired. Miss my wife.

Buster Fixxitt