A page out of my wife's book - She's so smart!

This is a good song from the justly acclaimed Burnout 3 soundtrack. It builds to a fever pitch around the point where he's screaming "I'm okay!" Then stops dead for a brilliantly sardonic delivery of "Trust me." Han would be envious.

"I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

Failure is funny

Super Dave Osborn

Jerry Lewis

Dorf

Bob Dole

Vanilla Ice

Chris Farley

 

And countless others.

 

Just an observation.

The only common denominator of all your unsuccessful relationships is you.

So if you've gotten nowhere on a project after 6 months and 4 stores worth of employees working on it, either, all your employees are idiots OR you haven't given anyone enough information to run with.

 

Which seems more likely?

and as you walk out the door, LIGHT THE PLACE ON FIRE!

So, I've been a little stressed at work the last week or so. Been given a project to do in too little time, with virtually no support. Or direction. The limited direction I did get was vague at best. Basically, 'Here's the information I have. Sorry.'

Now I can't get mad at my manager, it's not his fault. The owner wants some brochures for a new product made up. I guess he's been trying to get something done for about 6 months now and it's just not happening. The project started in our store, then got put on the back burner, then moved to our kitchener office, then to the guelph office, then hamilton and now it's back to us. To me.

So, I get to do the layout and design. Let's see what we've got in the old binder here...

And I see exactly why its gone nowhere. There's fuck-all information about the product available. He's (the owner) been giving the Graphic Design people absolutely ZERO copy on the product. We're talking -273 Celsius of info. WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LAYOUT? We've got no COPY! NO TEXT! We don't know how much info there is, what type (tables, graphs, paragraphs) NOTHING!

Okay, so I ask the owner if he's got any copy for the brochures. Snooty response. Condescension. No help whatsoever. Right.

So, I get to write the copy too. No problem. Oh, wait! I know very little about the product! I mean I know what it is, and I can extrapolate some of its benefits. Of course, I've got no info on pricing or how it compares to other, similar products. Feh! Minor details!

So, I also get to figure out who the audience is for each of the FOUR different brochures. And then figure out what are the selling features for these groups. Then tailor the brochures to each demographic. Fine.

And we need it all in four days.

BULLSHIT!

So, I threw an extra fourteen hours into it and got a bunch of stuff done in time for the meeting. And they barely looked at it. HA HA HA!

On the plus side, we got our new computers this past week. They're pretty cool. Bit of a learning curve on them, and we've been sending a deluge of emails regarding the various issues we're having with them. Frankly, I'm surprised by how smoothly the transition has been. I honestly expected more issues. 'Course, Alex has had most of the issues. I think the new systems were specifically intended for the Graphics area, and tailored to that. Not the CAD area. So, no one bothered to activate his Autocad, or let him know that he's got the newest version (some training may be necessary) and no backups like he used to have (acad2004, acad 2000) and his plot transfer program hasn't been setup either. And his config file isn't with all the rest of them. BUT he found it on the server, saved it to a floppy and realized that none of the new computers have a floppy drive. WHEEE!

Basically, I'm a little frustrated. There's more. I've got other projects to do that I don't have sufficient support for, and what little I have is from the woefully uneducated. You know, the ones to whom everything is simple. Fake up an image of a truck trailer so that it looks like a 3-d image. You know, so that it looks like you can see into the trailer, that it has convincing depth. Alright. I CAN do that. Here you go.

Okay, now just make one that we can print full size.

Dot dot fucking dot.

It's really easy. Do you know how to do it?

*splutter*

Just use photoshop. D'you know how to use photoshop?

*simmer* (YOU are going to tell ME how to use photoshop? Do I know how to use photoshop??!! What the FUCK do you think I used to make the mock-up? Do you have any fucking CLUE how I made that image? How many different images and operations were needed to make this? Are you TRYING to be insulting? Is your goal increasing job DIS-satisfaction?

Sweet Fucking Jesus. )*simmer*

Just use the skew and distort to pull the perspective image flat.

What fucking ever. Guess I shouldn't worry about the foreshortening then? That'll just correct itself huh? Right, I'll just get Geordi to divert power from the warp nacelles then, shall I? That ought to give us enough power don't you think, you fucking twit?

Enough. This isn't venting any longer, it's just further aggravation. I AM rather proud that I didn't tell the owner to 'Fuck Off' though. He thought I was making this more difficult than it had to be, I countered with "I think you're oversimplifying."

See? Not "FUCK OFF!"

Well done me.

I don't seem to have a lot of time to blog lately. Not a lot of time to do anything really. We're really busy at work, although the dollars show us being a lot slower than last year. I think our measurement system is flawed.

Getting pretty depressed and frustrated at work. Finding it very difficult to concentrate. We're not communicating as much as we should, as we need to be. It's very frustrating. And I feel inadequate when I can't seem to stay on top of things. Depressing. Distressing.

I gotta talk to the Doc and up my meds. Maybe switch to something with an anti-anxiety component.

Shit's going down at work. The new Manager in our Guelph store quit. The owner was SHOCKED that no one, absolutely no one within the company has ANY interest in being the new manager. Well, let's see. That's the store the owner works out of. The owner is the salesman for that store. He goes through the garbage to check up on you. So, at what point does the salesman report to the manager and when does the manager report to the owner? Whose store is it? Who's running it? If I were managing it, I'd need it to be MY store. That's what you've hired me for, to MANAGE. Not to babysit and carry out your orders. I delegate the work to my employees. The salesman does not. The owner does not. You need something done, you go through me.

ROLE DEFINITION is needed. The owner should never need to speak directly to the employees. It should go through the manager at all times. With some exceptions for harassment etc.

Anyway, it all boils down to no one wants to have to put up with the constant second-guessing of everything they do, the back-seat driving.

This isn't what I wanted to talk about. It is perhaps a symptom though. 2 months ago, I was told we'd be getting new computers. I was understandably curious and excited about this. Alex's PC can barely do the work required of it. This is sort of a theme of our office. We WANT to do the work, but it seems like we're having to fight with all of our machines and computers to get it done. It's ridiculous.

You know what it takes for me to do an invoice? If I haven't memorized the seemingly arbitrary 4 digit code for the customer's account, I have to do a search for it. Lord help me if it's a name like L & O Widgets. Is it L-space-&-space-O? L&O? L-space-AND-space-O? Each search can take anywhere from 4-30 seconds. While the customer is waiting for their bill.
Now I have to fill in my location, 1 mouse click and 3 keystrokes, now switch tabs to put in my 4 digit CSR code, making sure the sales percentage is filled in correctly, 1 mouse click and 9 keystrokes. Now, switch to your PO number tab, enter the PO number. 1 mouse click and various keystrokes. Then you get to the actual entering of the items purchased. Be sure to remember codes like V6777865003650 which is plotter bond, not to be confused with V6777BOND3650 which is plotter bond. Keep in mind, with the exception of my manager, I am the most knowledgable person on staff about paper. None of it makes a lot of sense to me. SO, once you've entered your item code(s), fill in your quantity, and the shipping quantity, then figure out what the unit cost is (infinitely variable, possibly based on lunar calendar). NOW! Assuming they're only getting one item, you're done. RIGHT?

WRONG! Now you tell the system to post the invoice, 1 mouse click, then you tell it again, 1 mouse click. Now you need to authorize the posting of the invoice because their account is not up to date, fastest way to do this? 14 keystrokes. Then you have two more mouse clicks to actually send the invoice to the printer.

Now you wait. The invoice will be printed in a mere 10-15 seconds on a good day. There seem to be fewer and fewer good days. On a bad day it can take several minutes.

What a productive system we have!

So, they're finally replacing the invoicing system. It's supposed to be awesome. Traditionally, I expect it won't live up to the hype, even if I dumb it down by half.

So, two months later and still haven't got the new systems. Oh, they're in the office. Sitting in the back ready to be installed for the last 2 weeks now. There simply hasn't been time to get to installing them. Our IT guy is also the head of our service department and they are crazy busy trying to keep all our equipment running and doing service calls for customers. And I don't think they're turning a profit on much of it.

See, we used to have an IT guy. He was also our Payroll and HR department. He quit after 15 years, got a better job, one where he feels appreciated and respected. As an indication of how vital he was perceived to be, we didn't bother to replace him. His duties were foisted onto our head of service and the Guelph manager. She quit within 3 months of that, after having been with the company 20 years.

Hmm. How's that working for you?

Basically, everyone's getting frustrated. I gotta get to bed.

Buster

... (pronounced DOT DOT DOT!)

"Hey Buster, can you mock up an image of a tractor trailer with a picture of a frog on it? Here's what it should look like, but better."

 

"Uh, sure. No problem. You just want me to fix up this crappy image, right?"

 

"Yep."

 

File gets done, everyone is happy. Two weeks pass.

 

"Say Buster, we're ready to print that truck side now. Can you give us the file?"

 

"What do you mean? I already printed you a proof."

 

"Right, looks good too. Now we're ready to print the one for the side of the actual truck, so we need the file you made. Why? Isn't it done yet?"

 

"You didn't ask me to make a full-size version for mounting to an actual truck. You asked me to fix a crappy 8.5 x 11, which I did. It's a raster image, and it's done using perspective. You can't use that to print the side of a truck."

 

"Well that's what we meant. We need to print a frog on a truck. Hop to it."

 

"dot dot dot"

 

I love this job. It's full of such wonderful surprises.

Missing Time? Now THAT's Dentistry!

I have no idea what happened yesterday. Triazelam is a wonder drug. It really messes with your memory. See, I have this anxiety about going to the dentist - various reasons, all well founded, but I HAVE to get my teeth fixed. So, my current dentist knocks me out, does his work and I wake up at home. It's awesome.

 

But seriously, I have two types of memory after being on this drug. My normal memory which is apparently all time-coded. I'm aware of where each memory should be chronologically, this before that, that was morning, this was evening, that sort of thing. That's how my brain works normally. Now add Triazelam into the picture and I lose ten hours of my life. Completely gone. Fine, its an amnesiac drug, I expect that. Pretty sure the doc didn't take sexual advantage of me. That costs extra. And its his assistant's job, anyway.<grin>

 

But what's weird is I remember waking up yesterday morning, running late, shaving, brushing my teeth, all that. I remember the drive to the dentist, chatting with my dad. Drinking the blue liquid, reading an article about Keira Knightly, vaguely remember getting in the chair, I  think I remember the blanket being put on me. Then? See, I KNOW that stuff happened, but its totally out of context. I've had to since force it into the timeline of my day. Really weird to have memories that don't have that extra dimension to them. They just sort of happened but without the timecoding, they lack reality.

 

Ah well. Good drug. Better than the alternative.

 

Buster

And what program did you make the file in?

"Windows"

 

uh-huh. So, you want me to print a 'windows' file at 2 ft x 3ft? I'm sure there won't be any difficulty with that.

 

You ever think most people live a magical world? Where apples grow on store shelves? Meat isn't an animal, and printers are like replicators on Star Trek?

 

Feh. People.

I've decided there are less than a hundred people in the world.

I'm not sure yet what to call the rest of the talking meat I encounter, Insignificants? Virii? Sub-creatures?

 

Braying Asses does come to mind.  I'll have to think on it.

 

Buster

Kudos to Alex

My good, vicious friend Alex recently was asked by a co-worker "What's that stop-smoking drug called?" To which he replied, "You mean cyanide?"

 

"Yeah! Cyanide! Do you need,like, a prescription for that?"

 

 

Unwanted Ignorance

I'm worried about my cousins. They're doing some scary stuff right now - trying to heal themselves and their family.

 

The 'church' is helping them. 'helping'. Like a hamfisted, yet energetic five year old, unable to use any forethought or imagine that anything they try could possibly fail. It's horrendous.

 

They've got their focus backwards. They're trying to heal the family as a whole, without first healing the individual members of the family.  They want to help the damaged adult, before helping the relatively undamaged kids.  WRONG ORDER!

 

The adult's already damaged! PREVENTION is necessary if you don't want to have to do this again when the kids grow up. Or perhaps that's the point? Ensuring repeat business.

 

I don't hate their church, nor it's members. Not yet, but they're pushing it. 

 

They need to get a breath of fresh air, and the best way to do that is to take their heads OUT of their asses first.

 

GAH! I'm so frustrated with these people. You're being so stupid! Yes, you're trying. A little late, dontcha think? Better late than never, is that scripture?  FCS wouldn't have worked because it would have been put on the bottom of the pile? Well it would now be SIX YEARS further UP from the bottom, and it would be on file already! These kids would have SOME backup! Your logic is flawed, and in my darker moments, I suspect its INTENTIONAL. You don't want to raise any flags, you don't want anyone to take a close look at your church. You know what's happening is criminal, and that there's more than one instance. How long til the koolaid gets served, Mr. Jones?

 

I don't TRUST you. I trust my cousins. I respect THEIR wishes in this matter. Personally, I want to shake your world til it cracks.